Week in Review (Dec. 17 - Dec. 23)

Tuesday - 3.5 miles in the basement inferno, video trifecta (arms, legs, core), 121 push-ups, 121 jumping jacks, 4:06 plank.
Wednesday - 3.52 miles at run club! The weather was so mild I had to take off my light jacket a mile in because I was so hot. My friend Heather gave me this really adorable beanie (I've already ran in it THREE times!)

Thursday - 5 fairly terrible miles on the treadmill at the gym. I for REAL just need to quit running on Thursdays. Every time it seems like it is the Worst Ever.
Friday - 1.5 miles in the basement inferno, video trifecta (arms, legs, core), 111 push-ups, 111 jumping jacks, 3:05 plank.
Saturday - My mom needed a ride to the airport. A and I got up early to drop them off, then we headed to the gym. Cranked out a pretty great 9.25 miles on the treadmill. Took A roller skating and then after dinner we had to head to the airport. It had snowed a bit, and even though she boarded on time (about 8:00) and pushed back on time (about 8:25), her flight didn't get in the air until 9:45. Which is when I finally got to leave the airport. 4 hours at the airport AND having to say goodbye to A were NOT my favorite parts of the day.

Sunday - L and I went for a run on a trail section I've never been on - Clear Creek Greenbelt between Wheat Ridge and Golden. It was fairly chilly out (although, let's be real. 23 degrees is pretty dang warm compared to the negative temps I ran in a few weeks ago.) No one had been out yet, so we got to hit fresh powder. None of the trail was icy, and this felt mostly good. Knocked out another 9.25 miles.

After our run, L had to nap. I spent the day on the recliner watching a "Snapped" marathon. Headed to get an eye exam to use up the rest of my Flex account before the end of the year. Then I met my older sister at the Arvada Brewery with her husband. Had a festive holiday brew and picked up a growler for Christmas Day. They each had a flight, so I got to taste some other kinds as well. THEN, I met up with L and we headed to Chili's, where I proceeded to eat THE MOST FOOD EVER. Holy cow.
Monday - Sadly, I had to go to work. They at least let us out about an hour early. Not early enough for me to meet L at BodyPump, but early enough for me to go to happy hour with the ladies from work. Happy hour quickly turned into FOUR HOURS. By the time I left, downtown was all lit up, it was after 8:00 and I still had to run.

Ran a super quick 1.25 at the gym WITHOUT throwing up. Then, I got all nostalgic and pulled out my Nintendo 64. Let me just say that I used to be REALLY GREAT at the games on this system. NOT SO MUCH. I tried a few different games for about 15 minutes then promptly gave up. TOO COMPLICATED.

Weekly Miles Run - 33.27 miles (20.5 treadmill, 12.77 outside)
Minutes of Strength Training - 90 (missed one day of videos)

Weekly(ish) Gain - 3.2 pounds

• I forgot to do a weigh in on Tuesday. Having the day off screwed up my routine, so I didn't weigh in until Thursday. After eating non-stop for the last week.
• Beer consumption completely out of control.
• Dessert and sugar consumption also out of control.
• Food in general consumption also very out of control.
• I don't know if it is just the depression of the holidays, but I am letting everything I worked for all spring and summer get away from me. Planning on a "re-set" before things get worse.

Fancy, high ABV beers come in snifters. Did you know that?

Tried a new beer, and it was DELICIOUS!

Everything Else

• I'm done on social media. I cannot take it anymore. I'm so so so sooooo sick and tired of happiness and thankfulness, etc. I shut down my Twitter before Thanksgiving and Facebook is next. I'm leaving it up through the rest of the day and then it is gone too.
• Obviously, nothing good is going for me now. No news on the interview, so I'm guessing I didn't get the job. I haven't really been looking right now. I'm out of town for 10 days starting Saturday, so I'd hate to get called for an interview and not even be in town.

For 2014

If you have been reading my blog long enough, you know that I don't do resolutions for New Years. However, there are some things I would like to happen next year, and since 2013 has been a shitty year, I will work on making these happen.

Running Related

• I'd like to get a half marathon done around 2:05-2:10 again. I still don't do much speed work, but maintaining my base usually keeps me a bit faster.
• A marathon under 5 hours again. Less than 2 years ago a 4:47 seemed SLOW... I am running back to back marathons at the New Years Double again, maybe it will happen right at the start of the year?
• Related: LONG term goal - a new marathon PR at NYC marathon in November.
• Maintain my base. At least one run a week needs to be 7 miles or longer. I let this drop off my radar last year and I know that was part of the reason I got injured last summer.

Everything Else

• New & better paying job. I know money isn't everything, but let's be real. It sorta is, especially when you are the sole money maker.
• Pay off all consumer debt (including car) by the end of the year. If the ex continues to pay child support and I get a better job, should be fairly easy to do.
• I'd like to make more friends. Not necessarily people I need to spend a lot of time with, but I have very few people I communicate with any regularity and it's made me very disconnected and angry.
• Related: I'd really like to start dating again. It's disconcerting to feel unwanted (in general) and whether it *should* make me feel better, I think I will be happier. I've always wanted to have a "family" and I don't feel like I have that now, nor have I ever. Even though we didn't divorce until A was 2, our marriage was over long before that. I'm tired of feeling jealous and hateful towards those that have found their partner. Surely, there has to be SOMEONE out there that wants to put up with me and my shenanigans?
• PURGE PURGE PURGE PURGE. I have done a lot of this already. After J moved out I got rid of BAGS AND BAGS of clothes. I need to finish what I've started, and get working on A's stuff as well.

As for the rest of 2013. I AM OVER YOU. I want to flip a switch on this year and be done with it. Thankfully, Jessa is also alone this year for the holidays and she has invited L and I over for Christmas dinner. So never fear, I at least won't be so pathetic that I'm eating a Lean Cuisine at home alone.

Normal (Week 16)

Tuesday - Set out to do just a mile, ended up doing a 5k in the basement inferno. Also, video trifecta (legs, arms, core), 105 push-ups, 105 jumping jacks, 3:00 plank. DEAD.
Wednesday - 1 mile before class, 1.5 after. BodyPump not so bad this week, and more fun since L joined me!

Thursday - 4 terrible, terrible miles. By the end of the week I am so hungry that I eat way too much at dinner, then I head to the gym. This was bad news. Almost died.
Friday - Before heading to the airport, I got in a mile in the basement inferno and did two of the videos (arms and core). The day was spent at the airport and in the car. Oh, and eating.
Saturday - Baker's Dozen Half Marathon! More driving, more airport and more eating.
Sunday - I stayed in bed FOREVER. The day was really busy with grocery shopping, taking A roller skating and A going to a birthday party. Exhausted, I did only a mile-ish, which was rough after 4+ beers. Womp.

Monday - A really REALLY great 8+ miles. REALLY GREAT. Had I not been so hungry, and if I had more time, I think I would have run more. Wish all runs were like this. Also, 3:00 plank.

Weekly Miles Run - 33.18 (13.1 racing, 20.08 treadmill)
Minutes of Strength Training - 125 (Not bad, considering I totally slacked on the videos this week)

Weekly Gain - 1.2 pounds

• Eh. I'm only .2 over where I was 2 weeks ago. Considering all the junk I ate over the weekend, this is to be expected.
• I ATE EVERYTHING THIS WEEK. EVERYTHING.

• Beer consumption was a tad bit up, but not out of control. It was mainly just on Sunday. I did not drink at all on my trip. Did you know a Guinness at the Vegas airport is over $10????????? OUTRAGEOUS. I am too cheap for that, for sure.

Everything Else

• The temp paralegal is gone. Not sure if she was let go or quit. No one has interviewed, not sure if she will be replace.
• The other legal assistant in the office apparently put in her notice last Monday. The office was not told of it until Friday. NO ONE HAS INTERVIEWED FOR HER POSITION.
• As a result of the above, I can no longer settle for the horrible-ness that is my job. I have been applying places, and CROSS YOUR FINGERS, I have an interview at another firm (pretty much right across the street from where I am now).
• The gym is extra crowded this week because a nearby gym is closed all week for renovations. I guess better now than January?
• Cute guy was at the gym last night. Did not say anything. Still stare awkwardly.
• I found out I did not make the Runner's Roost race team. A bit sad about it, but I knew I would be a long shot since I'm so slow. They SAY you don't have to be fast to make the retail team, but one of the "requirements" is to "consistently place well" - so I'm not super surprised. Everyone on the team is super nice, so I will see what I can do to improve myself and go for it again next year...
• And.... nothing else.

Baker's Dozen Half Marathon (Race Recap)

Hurricane, UT
Saturday, December 14
Half Marathon #98
Baker's Dozen Half #2
Weather - Chilly

After failing to be crowned 2012's "Sugar Slayer," I knew I would have to return this year to run the Baker's Dozen Half Marathon and vie for the title.

L had to work the night before, so my dad dropped me off near her work so we would only have to take one car to the airport. We were not on the same outbound flights, as I had cashed in miles on Frontier and she was flying on Southwest. I was supposed to leave first, arriving about 20 minutes before her. My flight was delayed, then had a gate change, etc. By the time L was already in the air, I had not even boarded yet. Le sigh. The flight itself was uneventful. We were not able to meet up with each other at the airport as we somehow landed in two different terminals. The solution was to take the shuttle and meet up at the rental car place. Everything there, also went smoothly.

We had planned on replicating our eating schedule from last year, so as soon as we got the car, our first stop was In N' Out.

Apparently, if you eat lunch around 11:30, they are not that busy. We actually got a place to sit and didn't have to wait long. Our next plan was to head to Dunkin' Donuts, you know, for a coffee and snack. We both got the Red Velvet Lattes, and were disappointed that they were pretty gross :(

L was tired from being up all night, so I did the drive to Hurricane. We arrived around 4 and checked into the hotel so L could take a nap. We got up at 6 so we could pick up our packets and get dinner. On the way out we asked if we could have a noon check out and were told no. (NOTE TO SELF: Do NOT book at the Days Inn next year). Packet pick-up was a breeze and we did NOT get into the wrong car in the parking lot. Same dinner as last year - Italian sausage bread bowl. Delicious. I watched about three hours of Law & Order before going to bed around 9:45.

Race Day

Got up around 6:40. Headed downstairs, and like last year, the food selection was blah. I had a piece of toast and coffee anyway. We planned to be out the door around 7:20 to head to the start. Found the start with no problems this year. Scoped out the start area, used the bathroom, and negotiated leaving our Diet Pepsi under the Sugar Shack table so we wouldn't have to run with them this year (good thinking, L!)

All professional pictures used with permission of Santiago Photography

Cory had asked early on if people would prefer he pay for official timing or have bigger/better medals. The overwhelming responses was BETTER MEDALS! What I didn't realize is that this event was not going to be timed... at all. Oh wells. 

Shortly after 8, we were off! L and I had discussed at great lengths our strategy for being the Sugar Slayers this year. Last year, we didn't eat enough the first loop. By the time we came in for subsequent loops, everything was frosted. Frosting=No Bueno.

Loop 1 - Temperature is 32 degrees, which is warmer than was forecasted. I remembered the first part was a gradual uphill. The short trail section was reminiscent of last weekends race, snow-packed and icy. I jogged some of this, but it hurt my ankles, so I walked parts of it.

L met me at the aid station with... a cup of hot cocoa! What a brilliant idea (I said THEN). Yum. I downed my cup and then grabbed a cup of water to wash it down. Delicious. The back section of the course is through a neighborhood and is a gradual downhill. MY FAVORITE. There were sections of the road that were pretty icy, so we had to use caution, although I still had to be ridiculous when I saw the photographer:

When I could see the start area, I started to get anxious. I yelled to L, "IT'S TIME TO DIG DEEP." We were NOT messing around this year.

Sugar Shack

We arrived at the Sugar Shack and immediately started downing the non-frosted cookies. There were gingerbread, sugar, snicker doodles, etc. The volunteers at the aid station remembered us from last year, as did some of the runners, "Oh, are you the girls from Colorado? Are you in it to win it this year?" Yes. Yes, we were. We did NOT disappoint, with an impressive 17 sugary treats consumed the first loop.

Loop 2 - 36 degrees. I feel mostly ok. Maybe this was The Best Strategy Ever. Like the previous loop, I walked some of the snowy section, then stopped and used the bathroom at the aid station. Have you ever seen a portapotty like this?? It was like using a cat box!

No hot cocoa this time. I was starting to feel the effects of the sugar. We headed into the back section, still feeling mostly ok and running a decent pace. A man on a bike paced alongside us. He also remembered us from last year. He asked all sorts of questions about our eating, traveling for races, etc. Made that loop pass quickly.

Headed into the Sugar Shack and we were relieved/horrified to see that there were still plenty of cookies. They were not going down as easily this time around. Too much time was wasted on chewing. I was starting to feel a bit "off" but I knew that if we wanted to win we were going to have to shove as much as we could in our mouths. Cookies no longer tasting delicious. Every bite was like eating one of those terrible "bit o honey" candies that used to fill up Halloween bags in the 80's. The Diet Pepsi tasted a little less delicious this loop. 10 more sugary treats consumed for a total of 27.

Loop 3 - 48 degrees. Getting hot and having food sweats. Questioning our strategy. I have to walk some up the hill as with every step I'm afraid I'm going to barf. This is not good. Much slower heading into the aid station this time. Again, water only. Man on the bike finds us again and asks our count. When he pulls away, I'm trying to describe how I'm feeling. The sugar was warping my brain and while I was searching for a descriptor like "dizzy" or "vertigo," all I could come up with was "Gepetto." I'm clearly not doing well.

The last mile comes and all I can think about is that I do not want to eat even one more tiny bit of sugar. I'm having the gag reflex that usually only happens when I get too close to smelling whisky.

Curses. I do NOT care. I ask if we are in the lead, and it appears that we are, but no numbers are thrown out. I am ready to throw up all over the place, and knowing I still have an entire loop to go, I eat only one item. I'm done. I cannot consume anything else without risking it all! As we are leaving the Sugar Shack, the reigning men's Sugar Slayer comes in. He is at 22 but still had a loop to go. Not sure what his final count was, but we weren't concerned as Cory crowns both male and female winners.

Loop 4 - Still 48 degrees. This is terrible. I'm sweaty. Feel faint. Stomach hurts. I want to curl up on the side of the road and die. More walking this loop. Feel very sick and suspicious. Water only at the aid station. The glorious downhill? Not so much by the last loop. Every step has things sloshing around in my stomach. Cannot run the entire last mile. Walking is barely better. SO HAPPY TO SEE THE FINISH LINE.

We crossed the line, got our AWESOME medals:

Did we do it??? Were we the 2013 Queen Sugar Slayers??? We looked around for Cory to find out, and YES!!! WE WERE VICTORIOUS. I could not WAIT to see our prize.

Holy crap. AN EIGHT POUND BAG OF TAFFY. lol. So the win? Bittersweet. I never want to eat another piece of candy again. And the bag is SO heavy.

L, Fast Cory, Me

This bag of candy is as big as my head!! ("The human head weighs 8 pounds" - Jerry MacGuire, and so does this bag of candy)

We came to Utah and we CONQUERED. We even killed our other goal of beating last year's time. Not an easy feat since we were trying to not explode.

Garmin Time - 2:48:57
Moving Time - 2:22:41 (so, 26 minutes at the Sugar Shack and/or bathroom)
Mile 1- 11:10
Mile 2 - 12:31
Mile 3 - 9:30
Mile 4 - 18:26
Mile 5 - 14:13
Mile 6 - 9:47
Mile 7 - 21:28
Mile 8 - 14:58
Mile 9 - 10:10
Mile 10 - 12:56
Mile 11 - 13:51
Mile 12 - 10:15
Mile 13 - 11:05

Drive back to Vegas uneventful. We stopped and got pizza again. Walked through the outlet malls in Vegas for an hour, buying nothing. Got to the airport with HOURS until departure. Gambled my $4, ate a burger (seriously, something is wrong with me). Flight left a few minutes late but we got to Denver a few minutes early. VERY smooth trip, again.

Thoughts:

• I love this race! People are surprised that I travel for this. I will come back next year.
• Related: I will relinquish my Sugar Slayer status to some other unsuspecting victim. I'm fairly sure the taffy will still be here in a year. DID I MENTION WE HAVE EIGHT POUNDS OF IT??
• The medal this year is fantastic! The gingerbread man is so cute!!
• I should have a picture, but the shirt this year is great. Women's AND men's shirts in a fun neon yellow. I'll wear that bad boy to the gym for sure!
• Cory puts on an amazing event. Well organized and FUN.

(PS - Never fear, I have recovered from the sugar funk and have already had 3 donuts since completing the race)

Normal (Week 15)

Tuesday - 3.6 miles in the basement inferno. Video trifecta (legs, arms, core) AND 99 push-ups, 99 jumping jacks and 3:00 plank. DEAD.
Wednesday - 2 miles total (one before class and one after). I went to BodyPump for the first time in over 18 months. HOLY CRAP. The videos have probably helped a bit, but I am the weakest EVER. Thankfully, due to #coldpocalypse, there was a poor showing and only a handful of people could witness me struggling. 4:02 plank.
Thursday - 5.21 terrible, horrible, no good, very BAD miles on the treadmill. I made the risky decision to eat NINE day old cheesecake at dinner, then hopped on the treadmill. I almost died and/or puked and/or exploded on the treadmill. Poor, poor planning, me. 3:00 plank.

You were so tasty. Why did you try to kill me??

Friday - 1.1 in the basement inferno. Video trifecta (legs, arms, core), 2:10 plank.
Saturday - Fa La La Half Marathon! After almost dying of frostbite/hypothermia, we sat around most of the day. Saturday night A and I went to a Christmas party in Aurora (soooo faaaar). Potluck parties are dangerous. Zero pics, but it was great to see my friends that I don't get to see too much this time of year.
Sunday - Put off running ALL DAY. Took the kids roller skating in the afternoon. Finally did 1ish in the basement inferno. Video trifecta (core, arms, legs). After dinner, A and I met up with my friend DJ, who came in town for work training. Long story condensed - DJ and I dated BRIEFLY in 1999, somewhat not great break up. Weirdly ended up being roommates when I moved to TX in 2000 - he moved out after my now ex-husband moved in. Hadn't seen him in over 10 years, but we have kept in touch with phone calls/texts/Facebook. Funny, it was like no time had passed. Great night!

Monday - 7.25 not terrible miles. My calves were a bit tight (I have gotten off my foam rolling routine AGAIN), and the bottom of my right foot feels... off. 3:10 plank.

Weekly Miles Run - 33.32 (13.1 racing, 20.22 treadmill)
Minutes of Strength Training - 175!!

Loss - 1.0 pounds

• The body is so weird. I worked out less this week and it seemed like I still ate the same.
• Food indulgences... DONUTS, Smashburger, Yogurtland, pumpkin cheesecake (SO SO SO SO GOOD), all sorts of random things at the potluck Christmas party.

  

• Beer consumption was up this week. I blame the Christmas party and going out with my friend. Didn't have money to actually buy beer this week so there wasn't any consumption during the week.
• Oh wells.... such is weight fluctuation.

Everything Else

• Finished reading The Total Money Makeover. Again, nothing I didn't already know, but a good refresher of how "we" have too much stuff and spend money foolishly.
• Related: This week has been especially tight on money. I had to return one of the pairs of shoes I got on Black Friday to have enough money for parking. Also, for a humbling new low, I had to rob my change jar to buy groceries on Sunday. $15+ in change. Womp. Really appreciated the self-checkout for this one. Also, the gas light in my car has been on since Monday. Hoping I have enough gas to last me until Friday morning. #coldpocalypse is not the time to play chicken with  the "how many miles can I drive on a tank of gas" game I love so much.
• A had a meltdown over the weekend over Mother Effin J. I am so sick of this stupid guy being an annoyance in my life. She was talking about something random and then said "I know you don't want to hear about J anymore Momma, but I can't erase him from my memory, I've tried." And then she cried. For like 10 minutes. I JUST WANT TO BE DONE WITH THIS. The jerk is out of our lives, I just wish he would BE OUT OF OUR LIVES. The weirdest, dumbest things set of triggers and I AM OVER IT.
• Oh, so nothing else, as usual. Cute guy was a the gym last night, he ran on a treadmill three down from me (for like 5 minutes). I ogled. The end.
• Really really really wanting the weather to warm up a bit. For 4-5 days, I don't think we hit single digits. Today, it is finally "warmer" but it is windy, so it actually SEEMS colder.

For REAL. This is ridiculous this "early" in winter. Brrr!

• BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH I HATE WINTER I HATE DECEMBER I HATE THE HOLIDAYS. Ready for this stupid year to be over.

Fa La La Half Marathon (Race Recap)

Westminster, CO
Saturday, December 7
Half Marathon #97
Colorado Half #35
Weather - COLDEST COLD EVER

The Fa La La half marathon is the first half I have ever seen for Colorado in the metro area in December. And probably for a good reason! Last Wednesday we had a fairly decent snowfall. Now snow, obviously, is not the biggest deal here. It snows all the time. HOWEVER, in early December, it does NOT normally snow and then stay hovering around 0 for days and days. As the days ticked closer to the race, I was REALLY dreading it. I was sure they weren't going to cancel because of cold, but wow, I do NOT run outside in this freezing weather! L had picked up our packets in advance, so we planned on showing up only early enough to use the bathroom.

Running in the #coldpocalypse

We dropped off the kids with my parents at 8:15 and drove to the start, only about 15 minutes away. DID I MENTION IT WAS THE COLDEST COLD EVER? To have some perspective, L, who is part robot, actually wore long sleeves AND a jacket AND kept her gloves on the entire race. My dream of a miracle 15+ degrees at the start did NOT come true:

We used the bathroom inside at the rec center, where I got L to get this awesome shot of my last moments of being warm.

We headed to the start line and honestly, once I had my headphones and ear warmers on I could not hear a thing, but the race director was blabbing on and on.... LET'S GET GOING ALREADY.

I have run outside in Denver before in the winter. OK, maybe only a handful of times. But every time I have run outside, it has been on PAVED city trails. Did you know, that the city did NOT shovel/plow the path/trail??? I probably would have made a different shoe choice had I known.

L and I started in the very back, but I lost her in a matter of seconds. It was a bit congested in the beginning, which was fine. My calves were tight, I was cold, my legs were cold, IT was cold. The beginning section was one of the icier sections of the course:

I was wearing an INKnBURN tech tube over my  mouth, which was great. Well, until about 15 minutes in when I pulled it down to get water and then I tried to pull it back up and it was FROZEN in a slouchy mess around my neck. (FYI, messing with a frozen article of clothing will keep your mind occupied FOREVER) - I took an awkward selfie of how it looked frozen around my neck:

I could go on and on and on about the cold. I have never in real life seen snot icicles. Everyone had frozen facial hair and eyelashes. It was pretty terrifying!

I think I was running a decent pace, but I really didn't care. I caught up to Ross around mile 6 (the 76 year old man that beats me EVERY RACE). Spoiler: I actually ran faster than him for once!

Um. My GU was pretty much frozen solid (I took two during the course of the race) and the water at the aid stations was like a slushie.

It is REALLY REALLY REALLY difficult to run in snow/ice. The Big Dry Creek Trail is fairly flat, but it felt like I was running in quicksand. Everything felt like it was uphill and I was working really hard to not be making that much progress.

Time passed, I managed not to freeze and I was pretty surprised to see L at the finish area. I thought for SURE she would do the smart thing and go sit in the car! However, she got this shot of me that I LOVE heading into the last .2 or so:

Bib #839
Official Time - 2:26:44
Overall Place #212/288
Gender Place #129/185
Division Place #54/73
Garmin Time - 2:26:44
Mile 1 - 10:57
Mile 2 - 11:47
Mile 3 - 10:39
Mile 4 - 10:35
Mile 5 - 11:09
Mile 6 - 11:23
Mile 7 - 11:35
Mile 8 - 11:04
Mile 9 - 11:36
Mile 10 - 11:35
Mile 11 - 11:25
Mile 12 - 11:24
Mile 13 - 11:03
Mile 13.1 - 9:52
 

We stuck around long enough to get a picture together and to talk to Ross for a minute, then we went to the car. It had warmed up substantially while we were running:

For an idea of what the back of people's heads looked like while running - look how frosty L's head is!!!

Thoughts:

• I mean, it was cold, obviously. However, I was prepared for it. I wore a base layer (a Champion long sleeve shirt - the same one I wore for NYD last year) with my INKnBURN Lust jacket over it. I wore INKnBURN pirate capris and compression socks. I used hand warmers with gloves (best purchase EVER EVER EVER). I wore ear warmers and had my tech tube. Yeah, I was concerned about losing my nose or a toe to frostbite or hypothermia, but it was fiiiiiiiiiiine.
• The WORST part about the race was running on the ice. That made the downhill areas EXTRA scary since it WAS slick. I really wish the race director had sent out an email the night before advising of trail conditions. I probably would have worn different shoes.
• 2/3 of the runners were women, and yet the shirt is still a men's shirt. WHY WHY WHY????? I am so tired of all these race shirts that I cannot wear. At least give me the option to skip the shirt and save a few bucks if you are not going to give me one I can wear again.
• An annoyance with the registration of this race... they DO have a mail in option. I was thinking, YAY, I can save the almost $6 processing fee (10%) if I send in a check. NOPE. They still charge it. WHY NOT JUST INCLUDE THAT AS THE TOTAL RACE REGISTRATION FEE. I hate hate hate the sneaky fees. Annoying.
• They DO, however, have race day registration (obviously it costs more), but if you want to wait to see the forecast, this is a good option for a winter race.
• We got ear warmers in our swag bag. I wore mine, they kept me nice and warm and toasty.
• The course is good, but again, had it been plowed, probably would have been faster/easier.
• AND YET, this was still my 3rd fastest half of the year! Woot!
• I am SHOCKED that there was such a big turnout for this event. 288 for the half, 137 for the 10k and 120 for the 5k. SO OVER 500 PEOPLE BRAVED ARCTIC WEATHER JUST TO RUN. We are a crazy bunch, aren't we?
• All in all, I would recommend this event. Plenty of aid stations, gels at the mile 6 (and I guess it would have been mile 11ish on the away back) aid stations. Medal for all distances.
• AND.... I just have to say THANK YOU to all the volunteers who were out there for HOURS. That is even more nuts than those of us running. AND there were actually spectators!! One guy was offering people "warm water" lol!! Never seen that at a race.

Depression (Post #666, of course)

It's been a four months since I wrote this post. I wish I had a hilarious blog like Hyperbole and a Half that would make this all seem... I don't know, better. Unfortunately, Adventures in Depression, Depression Part Two and Sneaky Hate Spiral have already been written and illustrated by a far greater mind than me. I reference these particular three blog posts because that is pretty much me, all day, every day.

The only things that are "better" is that I don't cry as much as I used to and my appetite has come back. What has gotten worse is my self-esteem and my drinking problem. It's STUPID to get so worked up over this, and I KNOW THAT, yet my brain disagrees.

It sickens me to think I spent all those years with someone that either honestly did not care about me, or sure convinced me afterwards that he didn't. 7-8 months into the relationship was when talk of marriage started getting thrown around. I wasn't in any particular rush, having been divorced for less than two years, but to ME, we were happy. I (wrongly) assumed that someday there would be some grand proposal and we would live happily ever after.

Instead, I was later told:

• I never wanted to be in a relationship with you, but you bought me stuff and did nice things for me so I felt like I had to. (Oh. That's nice. I'm so happy you used me).
• I wish we had never met. (Oh. Also nice. No matter HOW things ended, I would NEVER tell someone that).
• You weren't even my "type" but the sex was good so I figured... (Oh. Again. Maybe this is why I was never good enough to go with you to your friend's houses. Maybe this is why you never proposed. Maybe this is why you didn't introduce me to your dad until we had been dating for over THREE years, even though he only lives 15 minutes away).
• All you are after is money. That's the only reason you want to be with me. (Huh. Ok. When we started dating, I made almost double the money. By the time we broke up, we made about the same). Seems to me, that he was "happy" when I was paying for trips to California, taking him to Broncos games and buying him stuff. 

What this has done to me:

• I honestly never feel like doing ANYTHING FOR ANYONE EVER AGAIN. I feel like I was stabbed in the fucking back. And the "hilarious" part about the break-up? He was OUT less than two weeks after our big fight. No notice, nothing. Left me high and dry with rent, utilities, etc. THANK YOU SO MUCH. He moved 99% of his stuff out while I was with Ariel in Moab.
• I don't feel like I can believe a single word out of any man's mouth ever again. I was completely blind sighted by ALL of this. I mean, sure, we had problems, but I never felt like he was "unhappy" - if anything, I was the one that got a little stir crazy and cranky because we didn't DO anything. I never felt like I couldn't trust him, I never felt like I needed to "spy" on him. After the break-up, I did something I'm not to proud of, I went through all his tweets (not many, only a few hundred) and there were some "questionable" propositions and lots of DM requests. So, he WAS NOT happy and I did NOT do it for him and I assume he found someone else.
• I have embarrassed myself for months, begging for someone to give me another chance and have been told to fuck off in a thousand different ways.

WHY WHY WHY. I don't know what is wrong with my brain that I cannot get this through my head. I don't know what is wrong with ME that someone would treat me like that. I don't know what else is wrong with me that I have managed to alienate just about every person on earth. 

My FAVORITE part of my life right now is all my super awesome friends DYING to tell me about THEIR relationships.

DO YOU KNOW THAT I DO NOT CARE ONE TINY BIT ABOUT HOW HAPPY YOU ARE? OR THAT YOU HAD SOOOOO MUCH BETTER LUCK THAN I DID WITH ONLINE DATING? AND I CERTAINLY DON'T WANT TO HELP YOU IN ANALYZING WHERE YOU "ARE" IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

I guess I have over-complained. No one wants to hear it anymore. No one wants to ask how things are. And you know what, I can't blame them. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO HEAR IT, and yet, it just keeps repeating over and over and over in my head.

No point to this blog only to say - yes, I'm depressed. Yes, I am really unhappy with my life right now. I'm sad. I'm lonely. I don't want to talk to anyone, yet at the same time it sucks that I don't even have anyone TO talk to. I'm skipping my work Christmas party because I am the ONLY single person in my entire firm.

And I'm angry. Every single teeny tiny little thing sets me off. I have lost all control of my emotions. I have turned into a crazy person. If I didn't know me, I would be annoyed and irritated by the person I've become. But I don't know how to "fix" it.

Maybe when I get my tax return I'll have the money to see a doctor and get a prescription. Beer is getting too expensive and it clearly isn't helping anyway.

Anyway, just needed to vent.

Normal (Week 14)

Tuesday - 2.25 miles in the basement inferno, video trifecta (legs, arms, core), 50 push-ups. Hope and Terry came over to give me.......... for FREE!! They are The Best!

Wednesday - I got off work a whopping 30 minutes early, then went to the gym and did an 8.3 mile "tempo" run.
Thursday - Redline Turkey Day 10k! Afterwards, I took the kids to see Frozen and was pleasantly surprised. It was a pretty cute movie!! Dropped H off at my parents, then headed down to the "misfit" Thanksgiving that was being hosted at a co-worker's. A was playing on my phone and took about a hundred pictures (literally) of us. I like this one, I'm shoving a piece of cheese in my mouth.

Headed over to my parents house after THAT for actual Thanksgiving. Loud and chaotic, but at least this time we had the sense to put all the kids at a separate table in the living room and it made for things being a TAD better. In bed EARLY.
Friday - L had the great idea for my parents to watch the kids for an hour so we could...... RUN OUTSIDE!!! The weather has been really mild and we enjoyed a nice 7.2 miles on Little Dry Creek, which I have only run one time. I struggled a bit the first few miles but the last 4 were great!

Around noon, A and I braved Black Friday. I'm being over dramatic, because it was not bad AT ALL. A got a new pair of Saucony's, I got a few pairs of running socks. I picked up a few work items at Loft, and we didn't overspend. Not a bad day!

Saturday - Ran a GREAT 8.25 miles at the gym. In the afternoon, A and I went to the Nutcracker with my mom. Such a fun time getting all dressed up and NOT be going to work:

Sunday - I had the brilliant idea to run 12.1 on 12-1. I also had the brilliant idea to get up early and get it out of the way, running in the basement inferno. I was on the treadmill a few minutes after 5. This was a hard, hot run. Later in the day I did the video trifecta (legs, arms, core), 66 push-ups and 66 jumping jacks AND 1:47 plank. Huzzah!! I also watched The Walking Dead fall finale. WTF. WTF. WTF. I was pretty traumatized by this episode but don't want to throw out any spoilers for those that may not have watched it yet. WHAT.
Monday - Maybe all those high mileage days caught up with me, I struggled through 4+ on the treadmill at the gym and called it a night. I've decided to start doing daily planks again (like I was doing in 2010 and 2011), this one was 2:51.

Weekly Miles Run - 48.46 (6.2 racing, 7.2 outside, 35.06 treadmill)
Minutes of Strength Training -  113

Gain - 1.0 pounds

• Oh.
• I was telling Heather that this was my second highest mileage week in six months. And yet...
• Of course it WAS Thanksgiving week, and I ate ALL THE THINGS. Co-worker/friend had a birthday on Tuesday and picked Mexican food. Wednesday we had our Thanksgiving lunch, and then of course the for REAL Thanksgiving on Thursday.

•  Clearly, the weight gain is A MYSTERY.

Everything Else

• Once again, ZERO dating gossip. Although, I got a strange series of text messages from the ex-husband on Thanksgiving suggesting a "hook up." Is this what it has come down to??? Womp.
• Work has been very slow lately, so other than the day dragging by nothing to complain about. There were a few people in yesterday interviewing. The temp had originally only agreed to stay through the end of October. She is still here. 
• Update on A's vision test... the school clearly didn't know WTF they were doing. She went to the eye doctor and has 20/20. So, false alarm on the glasses. But still, school REQUIRES follow-up, which cost me $50. Grrr.
• And of course, the best news of all!!!

I have OF COURSE accepted. I know a billion other people that have gotten in this year, and am looking forward to (hopefully) a big blogger meet up! I'm assuming hotels will sell out ASAP, so if anyone needs/wants a roommate (the more the merrier), or can recommend somewhere to stay, I would really appreciate it!!